Yeah, me too. Everyone has had that emotion and experiences it on one level or another.
I know that sounds completely elementary and you're probably thinking, "Lauren, that's the stupidest conclusion that you have come to thus far". But honestly, it's been a huge one for me.
For so long I felt like I was way out of line - that I worried, stressed and feared more than others and therefore a horrible, not trusting, faithless Christ-follower. Part of that was how others made me feel about my questions and part of that was me buying into the lies that the Enemy wanted so badly for me to believe. Psalm 139 - especially verses 23-24 have been on my mind a lot. They speak of God testing and knowing our anxious thoughts and leading us in the way everlasting. Even the Psalmist admitted that even though he knows God knows him intimately, he still had anxieties.
So what's a girl to do? I definitely don't want to take anything out of context so please forgive me if I'm way out of line but I have to defer to what my Bible says (that's not out of line - I'm speaking of taking the passage out of context). Even the Israelites, who saw with their own eyes the goodness and saving hand of God, needed a reminder that He had it under control. Isaiah 43:1-3 says, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flames scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."
There's nothing new under the sun.
Personally, this is a time of TONS of unknowns; unknowns that are there because there was some upheaval, weeding out, and refining in my life. All of my big plans were wiped away and all I have right now is a clean slate. I'll be honest, I don't really know if my bills are going to get paid this month.
Was I and am I sinning by worrying and robbing God of His power? Absolutely. However, today I was talking to my dear friend from Lebanon, Nic, and was reminded how one of the ways of being men and women after God's own heart means letting go of our control and our checklists as an act of worship before a God who is more than able. My surrender and repentance is my act of worship in this time and place and I believe that's what Psalm 139:24, at least in part, is talking about.
Although I'm doing everything within my human power, He is going to have to intervene. The waters and the flames are not going to overtake me - as long as I am pursuing righteousness and trusting completely that God has it under control, it will be taken care of. It may not be in my timing or in the way that I think it will be taken care of, but it will. I can't promise that I'm never going to not stress, worry, or fear again but instead of it being an hour-long freak-out, it may just be two or three minutes before I get snapped back to where I should be.
If God cares so much for the sparrows, how much more does He care for me? For you?
Ah! How can you not help but to rejoice in that?! How can you help but be filled with joy?!
Yes, there's a theme going on with my posts here - but it's the season I'm in and I would not change this amazing time of revelation for the world! Who doesn't want to be brought to a place as good as this?