Like I honestly need another thing to distract me from what I really should be doing. I mean, I have a million things to do...work, school work, reading, blogging, serving, praying, checking facebook statuses...oh, and leading an actual face-to-face healthy social life! But I did it again. I got sucked into yet another social-networking site: Twitter. Basically it's like seeing every one's facebook status, Away Message, and gchat comment in one place. Users simply answer the question, "What are you doing?"
I can't resist it. It's like peanut butter M&Ms, garbage reality shows, and chicken nachos. I know that they aren't good for me but I just love them so much and keep coming back for more! And honestly, am I so narcissistic to think that people actually CARE about what I'm doing every single second of the day?! Apparently. Keeping checking, I'll be posting.
LKEllis. In case you wanted to know.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Nothing and Everything
When I left for Rwanda, when I was there, and when I first came home I "knew" the direction of my life. I knew (or at least, had a pretty good idea) of where I would work, where I stood in my relationships, where I was going to live, and the things that I wanted to make a part of my day-to-day. It wasn't like I had the itty-bitty details worked out but I at least knew the direction in which I was moving. And I was excited about that! I mean, really, really excited. But here I am, almost three months later, and absolutely not one of those things has come to fruition and there is the very good chance (some with 100% certainty) that they will not happen. So what now?
It's funny, but my reminder of how good God is and how in control He is of everything came while I was balancing my checkbook the other day. Now, balancing my ledger was a miracle in and of itself (yay for keep resolutions!) but it was more because I was watching an episode of ER on my computer while doing it (I have to make it semi-appealing). Through the opening and closing segments Abby is quoting a piece of what sounds to be poetry. But to an ear that has heard it before it was quickly recognized as parts of the book of Job.
I have always been in love with Job 38-41 when God tells of His power, expanse, and reach. I LOVE IT! It is so humbling but so empowering at the same time. Who in the world am I to question Him? Who am I to determine my own steps? The God who knows when the mountain goats give birth or who know where the storehouses of snow are kept is the same God who knows my inmost being. How amazing is that?
So again, I ask, what now? I don't know. Trust me, I'm waiting in anxious anticipation but that does not mean that I am not trusting completely that God has something. He called me to be a teacher, He called me to the internship last year, He called me to Rwanda...and He has called me here.
It's funny, but my reminder of how good God is and how in control He is of everything came while I was balancing my checkbook the other day. Now, balancing my ledger was a miracle in and of itself (yay for keep resolutions!) but it was more because I was watching an episode of ER on my computer while doing it (I have to make it semi-appealing). Through the opening and closing segments Abby is quoting a piece of what sounds to be poetry. But to an ear that has heard it before it was quickly recognized as parts of the book of Job.
I have always been in love with Job 38-41 when God tells of His power, expanse, and reach. I LOVE IT! It is so humbling but so empowering at the same time. Who in the world am I to question Him? Who am I to determine my own steps? The God who knows when the mountain goats give birth or who know where the storehouses of snow are kept is the same God who knows my inmost being. How amazing is that?
So again, I ask, what now? I don't know. Trust me, I'm waiting in anxious anticipation but that does not mean that I am not trusting completely that God has something. He called me to be a teacher, He called me to the internship last year, He called me to Rwanda...and He has called me here.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
I usually have mixed feelings about New Year's. I feel like, because I'm in my 20s, I should do something big and exciting but all I really want to do is just be near people I really enjoy and just "be" with them. This year I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with people who really mean a lot to me. It was a low-key event - dinner and watching the ball drop with Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest, and the ever-so-talented Kelly Pickler. At one point in the night, when everyone was sitting around commenting on Katy Perry's wardrobe choices, I smiled to myself and thanked God for the blessed life I live. I am a fortunate girl. I love my life and am so thankful for what it is right here and right now. I am thankful for the people in my life, how I get to spend my days, the house I live in, the physical security that I possess, the possibilities for the future, and so much more. This is exactly where I want to be. I am content here. I am also so thankful for the events of 2008. I was able to be a part of some incredible things, learn good (and sometimes hard) lessons, laugh, love, and wrestle with who I am and what I have been called to do/be. I have felt this way for quite a while now but in that moment it came flooding over me.
The one thing I do not have mixed feelings about is New Year's Resolutions. I LOVE THEM. YAY for goals! I made a list of the goals I want to accomplish in 2009 in the little notebook I keep in my purse. This notebook is full of good quotes, lyrics, books to read, inspirations, and lists. Although it is not exhaustive, here are a few of the goals that I have jotted down for 2009. These are just little things and I specifically set them because I don't feel like they will get in the way of being open to whatever comes along.
The one thing I do not have mixed feelings about is New Year's Resolutions. I LOVE THEM. YAY for goals! I made a list of the goals I want to accomplish in 2009 in the little notebook I keep in my purse. This notebook is full of good quotes, lyrics, books to read, inspirations, and lists. Although it is not exhaustive, here are a few of the goals that I have jotted down for 2009. These are just little things and I specifically set them because I don't feel like they will get in the way of being open to whatever comes along.
- Visit all Smithsonian Museums, Monuments, and the Botanical Gardens
- Read 3 books in French
- Finish a triathlon
- Finish a ten-miler with a personal best record
- Write at least 1 hand-written letter per month (I've done two so far this month and it's still the first!)
- Keep a balanced ledger (this will be my toughest one)
- Pay off my credit card (See above. The point is that I want to be free to do whatever God calls me to do and to be able to use my resources to bless and equip others for His glory)
- Plant an herb garden
- Be a published writer (I'm okay with just an article)
- Get straight As at GWU
- Learn more about and apply being a Locavore
- Eat more naturally (no more surviving off of caramel-covered marshmellows like I have the past week)
- Blog at least one time per week
- Follow politics/economics more seriously
- Do 100 push-ups in a row
- Build in regular times of silence - including a 3 day retreat
More than anything though, I want to know my God more. I want to fall more and more in love. I want to be shaped, molded, broken, healed, and used. I want to dig into the Word more, have a more active prayer life, and boldly live out my faith. Why settle for paper plates when you can eat off of fine china?!
None of my resolutions or goals are too lofty. I firmly believe that they can be attained and I am so excited for them to come to fruition! I can't wait to see who and what will be a part of this year!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Noise
"God wasn't in the wind. God wasn't in the earthquake. God wasn't in the fire. God was in the silence." I love that line and over and over again it has been playing in my heart and mind.
For the past two months I have been craving silence; time alone with God to just listen. Agendas, to-do lists, relationships, commitments, and every-day stresses have been keeping me away from taking this time away that I have so desperately needed. Not today though. Today I took a day to be silent and to just listen.
At first, I find silence to be a little bit difficult. I'm okay with no music, TV, or Internet. I'm even okay with not talking to others around me. But it is the voices in my head that keep going loud and strong, even when I have long-since stopped. Then, about an hour or two into it, I realize that I have been chatting to God about the same things over and over and I have been too busy making noise to listen! So I shut up. Only once in my life can I say that I have heard a clear, audible voice from God so I don't want to be misleading and say that's how God communicates with me. I wish He would sometimes! It's more that still silence that Rob talks about - within my heart - that I know is the Holy Spirit guiding and shaping me. Sometimes it's not a "yes" or "no" answer but just a peace knowing that He is right there and that He has everything in control. That's what today was.
Being silent before God was a discipline I learned a lot about and practiced quite often in Rwanda. Whether it was my morning runs, walks to and from work, or while doing my quiet time (there's probably a reason it's called that) on the back porch there were times throughout my daily life that allowed me to be still and silent before my Creator. My life now is so full of noise - both audio and visual - and as a part of the goals I want to accomplish in 2009, building in time for silence is near the very top of the list. I have a friend who went on a silent retreat for 5 days. 5 days! The longest I have ever gone is 3 and I thought that was never-ending! But how amazing!
How about you? Would you be willing to be silent and just listen? For how long? What would your expectations be? Would you be willing to let go of those expectations for what God wants to do instead?
*This video is a part of Rob Bell's Nooma series. The name of the video is Noise. This is not the entirety of the video and for more information on where you can purchase Noomas, visit Nooma.com
Friday, December 5, 2008
Hello?
I don't know if anyone even checks this anymore... I didn't even check it for quite a while there!
But regardless, I want to resume my off-again, on-again relationship with my blog. If people read, great. If not, it's okay - it's simply my way of getting these oh-so-crowding thoughts out of my head.
I have been home from Rwanda for just over a month and half now and to say that it feels like a lifetime ago is an understatement. It truly has been only in the past couple of days that I have wanted to delve back into my memories, into the lessons that I learned, and fully live as the person that I was becoming while I was there. There will be more on this, I promise. As exciting as that is, there has also been some challenges - not necessarily bad, but challenges nonetheless. Things have not been what I have expected them to be since I have been home. I have had unmet expectations and exceeded expectations. I have laughed until my cheeks hurt and cried until I couldn't breathe (both of them today, actually). I don't know what God is doing. At all. I'm scared out of my mind and, at times, feel extremely lonely in this journey of putting all the pieces into their proper place. I have not the slightest doubt that He is working together something - just what, I'm not so sure!
But regardless, I want to resume my off-again, on-again relationship with my blog. If people read, great. If not, it's okay - it's simply my way of getting these oh-so-crowding thoughts out of my head.
I have been home from Rwanda for just over a month and half now and to say that it feels like a lifetime ago is an understatement. It truly has been only in the past couple of days that I have wanted to delve back into my memories, into the lessons that I learned, and fully live as the person that I was becoming while I was there. There will be more on this, I promise. As exciting as that is, there has also been some challenges - not necessarily bad, but challenges nonetheless. Things have not been what I have expected them to be since I have been home. I have had unmet expectations and exceeded expectations. I have laughed until my cheeks hurt and cried until I couldn't breathe (both of them today, actually). I don't know what God is doing. At all. I'm scared out of my mind and, at times, feel extremely lonely in this journey of putting all the pieces into their proper place. I have not the slightest doubt that He is working together something - just what, I'm not so sure!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Akagara National Park
This weekend I had the AWESOME opportunity to travel up to Akagara National Park in order to see some of the wild-life that makes it home here in Rwanda. Myal was a great host and arranged the entire trip as a Goodbye and Thank-you gift (so completely generous - I was so humbled!) and we were joined by Mike (country director for Living Water) and Audrey.
We left on Friday afternoon and made the 2.5 hour drive up north. After we arrived we set up our campsite and got to work collecting firewood, building the fire, and making dinner. It was a perfect evening as we had delicous food, an amazing view, good music, and plenty of stories to keep us laughing. We didn't get much sleep (mine was because of the fear of the snorting that was taking place in the bushes behind us by some unknown animal!) but it wasn't hard to get out of bed the next morning when we saw the sunrise. Breakfast and clean-up were quick as we wanted to get out and see the animals as they were collecting water before the heat of day. The entire day was spent driving around different parts of the park and with the help of a guide we finally found the animals that we were looking for. I kept telling Myal that he would know how thankful I was by how much I squealed when we saw the animals. Finally, we had gotten to the giraffes, our last animals for the day, and there were still no squeals so he asked me about it. I was in too much awe to squeal - my silence and awe was saying so much more than a squeal ever could! Everything was so beautiful and peaceful - there is no way that my words can do it justice.
Here are some of the pictures that I took. Enjoy!
We left on Friday afternoon and made the 2.5 hour drive up north. After we arrived we set up our campsite and got to work collecting firewood, building the fire, and making dinner. It was a perfect evening as we had delicous food, an amazing view, good music, and plenty of stories to keep us laughing. We didn't get much sleep (mine was because of the fear of the snorting that was taking place in the bushes behind us by some unknown animal!) but it wasn't hard to get out of bed the next morning when we saw the sunrise. Breakfast and clean-up were quick as we wanted to get out and see the animals as they were collecting water before the heat of day. The entire day was spent driving around different parts of the park and with the help of a guide we finally found the animals that we were looking for. I kept telling Myal that he would know how thankful I was by how much I squealed when we saw the animals. Finally, we had gotten to the giraffes, our last animals for the day, and there were still no squeals so he asked me about it. I was in too much awe to squeal - my silence and awe was saying so much more than a squeal ever could! Everything was so beautiful and peaceful - there is no way that my words can do it justice.
Here are some of the pictures that I took. Enjoy!
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| Akagara National Park |
Friday, October 10, 2008
Possible Next Steps
No, sorry, I don't have the pictures yet! I am actually waiting to get some from Myal and once I do, they will be up in a flash. Let's keep our fingers crossed for this weekend!
Anyway, that's not my point of this blog...
What I really wanted to write about and ask for your prayers for is my "next step". As most of you know, I will be coming home on the 19th (just over a week away!) and with that comes a lot of uncertainty about what I am going to do as far as a job, school, etc. I currently have my application in to George Washington University for their graduate program in International Education. Long story short, this masters is focused on development through education and I would be focusing on marginalized people groups. The minute I first heard about this program my heart leaped and I knew that this is where I wanted and needed to be. My application is currently in the Dean's office for final review and I should know shortly whether or not I have been accepted. I began my degree in Curriculum and Instruction at McDaniel College so I can transfer some credits and go to school part time, hopefully in the evenings.
Now, as if waiting for school acceptance isn't enough, I have to add looking for a job as well! Obviously I want to be involved in something that has to do with development and education but will also afford for me to go to school. I have about 7 applications out right now and have a few more that are ready to be sent. I have never really had to look or wait for a job before! This is a new adventure.
I know that, without a shadow of a doubt, that God is going to provide - I just have to wait to see what it is. As my grandma always says, "He's never early, Lauren, and He is certainly never late." I'm not really sure what direction my life is going in - what I have been called to do as the big picture and as much as that is a challenge for this Planner, I am so content in Today. I know that He is guiding me somewhere - that all of the gifts, talents, and experiences He has provided will be used for something. Then again, I'm learning that it's not all about Arriving...
Anyway, that's not my point of this blog...
What I really wanted to write about and ask for your prayers for is my "next step". As most of you know, I will be coming home on the 19th (just over a week away!) and with that comes a lot of uncertainty about what I am going to do as far as a job, school, etc. I currently have my application in to George Washington University for their graduate program in International Education. Long story short, this masters is focused on development through education and I would be focusing on marginalized people groups. The minute I first heard about this program my heart leaped and I knew that this is where I wanted and needed to be. My application is currently in the Dean's office for final review and I should know shortly whether or not I have been accepted. I began my degree in Curriculum and Instruction at McDaniel College so I can transfer some credits and go to school part time, hopefully in the evenings.
Now, as if waiting for school acceptance isn't enough, I have to add looking for a job as well! Obviously I want to be involved in something that has to do with development and education but will also afford for me to go to school. I have about 7 applications out right now and have a few more that are ready to be sent. I have never really had to look or wait for a job before! This is a new adventure.
I know that, without a shadow of a doubt, that God is going to provide - I just have to wait to see what it is. As my grandma always says, "He's never early, Lauren, and He is certainly never late." I'm not really sure what direction my life is going in - what I have been called to do as the big picture and as much as that is a challenge for this Planner, I am so content in Today. I know that He is guiding me somewhere - that all of the gifts, talents, and experiences He has provided will be used for something. Then again, I'm learning that it's not all about Arriving...
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