Noise

"God wasn't in the wind. God wasn't in the earthquake. God wasn't in the fire. God was in the silence." I love that line and over and over again it has been playing in my heart and mind.

For the past two months I have been craving silence; time alone with God to just listen. Agendas, to-do lists, relationships, commitments, and every-day stresses have been keeping me away from taking this time away that I have so desperately needed. Not today though. Today I took a day to be silent and to just listen.

At first, I find silence to be a little bit difficult. I'm okay with no music, TV, or Internet. I'm even okay with not talking to others around me. But it is the voices in my head that keep going loud and strong, even when I have long-since stopped. Then, about an hour or two into it, I realize that I have been chatting to God about the same things over and over and I have been too busy making noise to listen! So I shut up. Only once in my life can I say that I have heard a clear, audible voice from God so I don't want to be misleading and say that's how God communicates with me. I wish He would sometimes! It's more that still silence that Rob talks about - within my heart - that I know is the Holy Spirit guiding and shaping me. Sometimes it's not a "yes" or "no" answer but just a peace knowing that He is right there and that He has everything in control. That's what today was.

Being silent before God was a discipline I learned a lot about and practiced quite often in Rwanda. Whether it was my morning runs, walks to and from work, or while doing my quiet time (there's probably a reason it's called that) on the back porch there were times throughout my daily life that allowed me to be still and silent before my Creator. My life now is so full of noise - both audio and visual - and as a part of the goals I want to accomplish in 2009, building in time for silence is near the very top of the list. I have a friend who went on a silent retreat for 5 days. 5 days! The longest I have ever gone is 3 and I thought that was never-ending! But how amazing!

How about you? Would you be willing to be silent and just listen? For how long? What would your expectations be? Would you be willing to let go of those expectations for what God wants to do instead?



*This video is a part of Rob Bell's Nooma series. The name of the video is Noise. This is not the entirety of the video and for more information on where you can purchase Noomas, visit Nooma.com

Hello?

I don't know if anyone even checks this anymore... I didn't even check it for quite a while there!

But regardless, I want to resume my off-again, on-again relationship with my blog. If people read, great. If not, it's okay - it's simply my way of getting these oh-so-crowding thoughts out of my head.

I have been home from Rwanda for just over a month and half now and to say that it feels like a lifetime ago is an understatement. It truly has been only in the past couple of days that I have wanted to delve back into my memories, into the lessons that I learned, and fully live as the person that I was becoming while I was there. There will be more on this, I promise. As exciting as that is, there has also been some challenges - not necessarily bad, but challenges nonetheless. Things have not been what I have expected them to be since I have been home. I have had unmet expectations and exceeded expectations. I have laughed until my cheeks hurt and cried until I couldn't breathe (both of them today, actually). I don't know what God is doing. At all. I'm scared out of my mind and, at times, feel extremely lonely in this journey of putting all the pieces into their proper place. I have not the slightest doubt that He is working together something - just what, I'm not so sure!